Another news flash, my dear friend: You don't get a free ride because you've been here 83 times! This isn't Walmart and you don't buy-one-get-one-free here!
I have spent the last frustrating day dealing with a "Frequent Flier" who logged not one but two visits in one day! Why? Because she, in her infinite wisdom, firmly believed that she was going to die of elevated blood pressures (which somehow turned out to be perfectly within normal range) and if it wasn't the elevated blood pressures that were going to kill her, it was the very suspicious looking lump on her wrist. No amount of persuasion or logic was helping this girl until, after several intensive hours at the beside, I came to the conclusion that you cannot reason with CRAZY.
I thought as a goodwill service to the community, I would give a list of items to pay special attention to in childbirth classes and in the Doctor's office. It will save all Frequent Fliers a lot of trips:
- One contraction does not constitute labor. Neither does two or three. Suck it up.
- It's pretty much normal to throw up. YOU'RE PREGNANT! You really, really don't need to go to the hospital because you threw up. Deal with it.
- If you just had sex, and you're "leaking," would you normally go to the hospital?! It's called semen, folks. I suspect you're intimately acquainted. Clean it up.
- Did anyone, ever tell you to come to the hospital because you lost your mucous plug? Guys, that's just gross. Throw it out.
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