Cancel That Amniosure!

It's Memorial Day here. For some random reason they've decided that this is one of the holidays that we get paid time and a half for, so I signed up to work it. Holidays are interesting days to work. Since the Doctors offices are closed, you are suddenly, unintentionally running a clinic. A continuous parade of patients, in and out, all day long. It's not my favorite thing to do, but it certainly opens my eyes to what the physicians have to deal with every day.

There's always one patient that tops all of the others. This one was a 20 year old who called Dr. G with the complaint of green, frothy discharge. Ugh. Just imagine that conversation... So Dr G. calls the L&D unit, telling us "Some girl is coming in with green, foamy discharge." It's your turn to take a patient! If I say it first, does that mean it's fair?

HOURS later, the girl shows up. She bounces up to the Nurses' Desk, all cheerleader-ish and bubbly. Her long blond hair has been carefully curled for the occasion. She's all smiles and giggles when she asks "Is this Labor and Delivery?" Yes, Honey. And I wouldn't be so bubbly if I had green discharge foaming out of my vageener!

She's assigned to another Nurse who takes her in the room across from the Nurses' Desk. "Order me an amniosure, will you? I should just rule out meconium." An amniosure is a test we do with a swab to determine if the leaking fluid is amniotic fluid or not. The Nurse wanted to make sure that the girl's amniotic fluid hadn't broken, leaking green amniotic fluid, which would mean that the baby had pooped in the water.

We sit at the desk, cringing, waiting for the Nurse to come out with her first impression. I almost want to vomit, thinking of what she was having to look at. Then the door swings open and the Nurse steps out, pulling the door closed behind her. "Cancel that amniosure!" she hollers, "they had SEX! It's SEMEN!" She practically spits out the words in her disgust. I look up from behind a computer screen. The door to the patient's room has swung open and looking out are two faces with bulging, horrified eyes.